Being a "real nurse" again

Last week was a difficult week for a lot of people. While the government was turning over a new president and new people came to power, I was working the night shift in an intensive care unit. I think I mentioned before that I decided to leave my cushy office job and go back to being a "real nurse" (as termed by many people - I was still a real nurse in my opinion). 
I can honestly say that over the past 4-ish years, I forgot what it was like to be a "real nurse". I mean, I was still a "real nurse". I was educating staff and occasionally helping out on the floor. I picked up weekend hours. But I forgot what being on your feet for 12 hours felt like. 
I forgot that I will I come home and my feet and my back will hurt. Because I am constantly going between rooms to titrate drips, check vital signs, perform assessments, and make sure that someone's loved one is safe for the 12 hours that I am on shift. 
I forgot what it felt like to not be able to go drink, eat and pee whenever I need to. 
I forgot what it felt like to have a knot in my throat because I am holding back tears because I know, that despite my best efforts and the best efforts of the entire medical staff, I won't be able to save this patient. And I can't let the family see that I know their loved ones fate because they don't know or realize it yet.
I forgot what it feels like when a family thanks you for doing everything you could do to help. And what it feels like when you do actually help someone and they get better.
I forgot that after a 12-hour shift, when I close my eyes, I will hear the beeps of call lights, telemetry monitors, IV pumps, and ventilators until I eventually fall asleep.
I forgot how much I love taking care of people. I am happy to be a real nurse again.