Day #111.1: Sometimes You Just Need to Vent.

I started this blog because I needed an outlet, a place to vent when I get upset or when I'm happy, and even when I am trying to stay positive. 

Tonight, I need to vent.

I try to stay positive and tell myself that everything is going to be okay, that the stress and anxiety I feel on a daily basis are going to pass. Sometimes I feel like I am falling down the rabbit hole and I can't find my way out of it.

I wish I could buy Bryson birthday presents. I wish I could buy Chelsea everything she wants for Christmas. I wish I could afford to have a baby and expand our family.

I wish my work shoes didn't have holes in them, because I can't afford to buy new ones.

I wish my legs weren't so large, because where they rub together my scrubs have holes. And at $30 a pair, I can't afford new ones.

I wish I didn't have to take Benadryl every night to sleep, cause I have so much anxiety about money, bills, the IRS, school, work, etc that it keeps me awake at night and I can't sleep.

I wish I could only work the three 12 hour shifts a week that are required of me. I wish I didn't need overtime to get by. I wish I didn't have to claim 10 exemptions, simply to have enough money to pay bills and live.

I wish my credit card bills would disappear...because I don't have enough extra money to pay them down.

I wish my hubby could find a job that he loves. 

I wish I could afford to buy him everything he wants.

I wish my husband and I could go on a honeymoon. Or even just a little vacation together, since we never have. 

I wish the IRS wouldn't have taken my savings accounts...because it was the first money I had saved in years.