The psych evaluation that almost made me crazy.

Yesterday I went for my psychological evaluation, which is required by my insurance company for approval for weight loss surgery. I promise I'm not crazy. At least, I don't think I am...
Anyways, the experience was sub-par to say the least. First, I called to set this appointment up back in June when I first learned that it was a requirement. I gave my information to the receptionist over the phone and was told that the doctor would call me to set up the appointment. Weeks later, I still had heard nothing. So, I called back. I was told that they were still working on figuring out my insurance and what would be due the day of the appointment. A day or so later, I received a phone call because they lost all the information that I had given them over the phone previously.
I should have taken this as a sign of things to come.
Finally, they called me and told me that I hadn't met my deductible for the year, so the appointment would cost me around $250. I was told that I had to pay that amount the day of the appointment or they wouldn't send the report to my surgeon. Ok, fair enough. The psychologist finally calls me and we set an appointment for July 29th.
Since I work Monday through Friday, I made the appointment during my lunch hour yesterday. I leave and go to the appointment. I check in at the front desk and the receptionist tells me she has no record that I have an appointment. After shuffling the same papers about 15 times, she tells me the appointment is scheduled in the computer for September 29th. Uhm...no, it was CLEARLY scheduled for July, as I have to have this done ASAP. So, she gives me paperwork to fill out and has me sit down. Twenty minutes later, I walk back up to find out what I am supposed to do (I'm pretty sure she forgot I was even there) - stay or make an appointment for a different day. She calls the doctor and tells me "Yep, you're appointment is for today." Yeah, no crap.
I go back to be interviewed by the psychologist. This takes about 20 minutes. She asks me the usual questions about my support system, why I decided to have surgery, what my ultimate goal and expectations are following surgery, what changes I have made to get ready for my new lifestyle, and questions related to my overall mental health. That was easy...I think I am done at this point, which would have been perfect because I had to get back to work.
I was dead wrong. She tells me I now have to take a test. It is a true and false test. You read statements and you put if the statement is true for you or false. Easy peasy, right? NOT. It was 567 questions. Yeah...FIVE HUNDRED AND FREAKING SIXTY-SEVEN true or false statements. This took FOREVER. The actual name for this is the Minnesota Multiphase Personality Inventory (MMPI) Test. It s a psychological test that assesses personality traits and psychopathology. It is primarily intended to test people who are suspected of having mental health or other clinical issues...or I am hoping to rule out mental health disorders. 
I am a little nervous. Some questions were weird...like "I am not frightened by blood or the thought of bleeding"...well, this is true. I'm an ER nurse so...blood doesn't bother me. But on this test, I am likely to come across as a psychopath. Plus, by the end or somewhere around question 275, I was losing interest quickly and probably didn't answer accurately. I guess we will see if I turn out to be schizophrenic or something.

So anyways, after I fill out this ridiculously LONG test, I go to check out. The lady says they will send me a bill, which contradicts everything I was told before. So, I tell her what I was told about needing to pay today so the report can be sent to my surgeon. She blinks at me for what seems like forever and calls someone. She tells me I owe $450. $450 to fill out 567 true/false statements? NOT happening. After arguing for a few minutes she tells me they will look into it and call me. I tell her they better send that report over to my surgeon ASAP, since they have been yanking me around all afternoon.
If this is what the mental health system is like, then I am not surprised people are nuts. 
End Psych Eval.  And another hoop jumpeth through.

still, no more diet coke.

It has been almost 2 weeks since I have had a Diet Coke. I haven't had any carbonated drinks actually, which is a complete change for me. My drinks have consisted of water, coffee (when I have a caffeine withdrawal headache coming on) and lemonade. Eventually, the lemonade will have to go as well because of the sugar content, however I need something to get me through the first little bit of my post-Diet Coke life.  Oh, what I wouldn't give to have a drink of something carbonated. I'm not sure why. Is it because I am used to have a carbonated beverage every day? I don't know, but I know the cravings come and go. I am sick of water. Why is it we need food and water for survival, but yet it becomes such a big part of our lives? Social events all include drinks and food. Anyways, I am rambling. My next series of pre-op hoops have been set up. My psychological evaluation is July 29th, my second dietician appointment is August 6, my EGD is set-up for September 4th and my September surgeon appointment is September 16th. October will be the official 6th month mark and after I have an appointment that month all the paperwork can be submitted to the insurance company. This process is actually going by pretty quickly. Also, in August my husband and I will have a fun weekend away - I can't wait! Lots of things to look forward too.

Dear Diet Coke...

Dear Diet Coke: I will miss you.
Today was day one of my diet coke cleanse. I can not lie...this is difficult. However, it has to be done. Not drinking Diet Coke will be my biggest challenge and therefore, is going to be the first one. It can only get easier...right?
Symptoms: headache, neck ache and overall I am feeling tired and run down. I also find that I am craving sweets, which could just be a coping mechanism. None the less, the craving is there.
I have tried other forms of caffeine, however it isn't helping curb the headaches. I think all that will help is time and avoiding drinking any pop.

The holiday and the dietician

I hope everyone had a great 4th of July weekend - I know I did!! I got to spend quality time with my family and enjoy the great outdoors. It has been a few years since I was able to spend time in the lake - since the weather has been so cold, it hasn't warmed up enough. This year we were finally able to enjoy it again!

Anyways, before I ventured up north for the weekend I met with my dietician for the first time. It was very enlightening. The appointment started with her asking me quite a few questions, which led to me having to say all of my bad habits out loud in a matter of 10 minutes. Talk about a stomach punch.
However, this is a very necessary part of the process. I have bad habits, which has led to me being overweight. I am a snacker. I eat too much fast food. I don't stop eating when I am full. Plus many more. It was an overall great appointment, I learned quite a bit. Some tips she shared with me included:
1. Only eat at a table. Even if it is a snack. If you aren't hungry enough, you likely won't eat at the table unless it is time for a meal.
2. Avoid routes on the way home that take you by fast food places so you will be less tempted.
3. Stop eating when you are full. It takes 20 minutes for your brain to catch up to your stomach.
She also set nutritional goals for me to start working on now, which will overall help when I have surgery:
1. Eat 3 meals per day and eliminate snacks 2. 64 ounces of water each day 3. Remove beverages from meals 4. Eat 60 grams of protein per day 5. Keep a food diary 6. Use measuring cups and spoons 7. Remove trigger foods from home 8. Exercise plan: 3-4 times per week 20-30 minutes 9. Avoid pop and juices
So, my first goal is to cut out pop completely. My second is to clean out my kitchen and start meal planning every Sunday. I meet with the surgeon again tomorrow. Stay tuned...

Day #295: Dear Abercrombie and Fitch

Warning: I was uber pissed when I wrote this entry.
Abercrombie & Fitch.
I have despised this company since high school. Abercrombie & Fitch has never embraced selling plus-size fashions for women. Every time I went into an Abercrombie and Fitch store I felt judged, like every single clerk was asking themselves, "Why is she here?" 

Well, my hatred for this judgmental company has been further solidified by this article: Abercrombie & Fitch CEO Explains Why He Hates Fat Chicks Apparently, Abercrombie and Fitch doesn't stock anything above a size 12 because the brand doesn't want "overweight or unattractive women" wearing their clothes. 
This is my message to the Abercrombie & Fitch CEO, Mike Jeffries:
Thank-you, Mike Jeffries, for your ignorant and stuck-up opinions of plus-size women. Even if I was a size 6, I wouldn't buy your over-priced, cheaply made clothes. The people you generally hire have absolutely no customer service skills and I can't believe that only assholes will apply there, so I am assuming your crew training program must be poor because every encounter I have ever had in that store has been with a stuck-up pricks, much like yourself. 
I'm not one to judge people, however, Mike, you are NOT one to be talking about the attractiveness of people. Not only are you a deeply unattractive man physically, but your horrid excuse for a personality contributes to the ugliness you portray on the outside. Rather than using your success and power to build your own troubled self-esteem and ego, why don't you help build the self-esteem of teenage and young adult women in America? Why not encourage women of all shapes and sizes to value themselves as humans and not for what they look like or how much they weigh? 
Maybe if you jumped on the plus-size bandwagon like your competitors American Eagle and H&M, your pathetic stores wouldn't be losing money and closing all over the country. You're an ignorant prick and the world would be a much better place without people like you. 



Meet this month's awesome sponsor!

Day #283: Acceptance.

I struggle with many things. Mostly, saving money and with my weight. My weight has fluctuated between 180-280 pounds since high school. I will gain weight, lose weight, gain, lose, gain, lose. Most recently, I have been gaining. In 2008, I weight my highest weight of 270lbs. I dropped 60 lbs, weighing 210 and going from a size 22 down to a size 16/18. Now, only 5 years later I am back up to 282 and a size 22/24.

2008

2008

I want to be healthy. I would love to lose weight. But I struggle with self acceptance. Do I accept that I am plus-size woman and just be happy? Or do I try to lose weight? Can you accept your weight AND try to diet and exercise? I read so many blogs that preach "fat acceptance" and put down people who blog about diet and exercise. Is it really so wrong to love yourself and accept your present weight and size, but still attempt to eat healthy and work-out?

2012

This is where I struggle. I can't seem to find my "happy" place so to speak. I find myself trying to sell my clothes, because I can't fit in them anymore. And I have been buying new clothes, but it upsets me that I have to buy a 2X instead of a 1X. 
Acceptance. Where can I find it? a Rafflecopter giveaway



Meet this month's awesome sponsor!

Day #30: Fat Day.

Today is what I like to call a fat day. I have just felt fat all day. Bloated, like my pants will split if I bend over or squat down. A fat day. How does one deal with a fat day? This sums it up well:

Yep.

Yes, fat day equaled me eating: Turkey Tom from Jimmy Johns, bag of chips, 3 diet cokes, snickers bar, and chex mix. Heh...good plan right?

Oh dear, I'm not very good at this dieting thing am I?

Dieting is not easy. Especially when you are like me and crave everything that is wrong for you...like candy, chocolate, greasy food, pizza, etc etc. If only I craved veggies, fruit, rice cakes and tofu. Then maybe snacking all day wouldn't wind up with my ass getting larger, or me feeling bloated. 

My foot still hurts. I'm still not certain as to how I injured my foot, but perhaps it's my body's way of telling me to quit stuffing my face with junk food? Or maybe I just need new work shoes.

Also, I found another way I can save money now that I have cut my hair. Let's recall the first reason: by spending money on my hair cut, I will save money by cutting down on shampoo and conditioner. The second money saver: decreased electricity use because blow-drying my hair takes 10 minutes and not 25 minutes. See? I'm very "glass half-full". Always looking at the positives!

Right?

Until tomorrow,

Big, Beautiful & Broke... Chelsea